Happy New Year!!!!

I wish that I could come up with something a little more creative for a title today but, alas I cannot. I'm just a little nostalgic right now. I wonder why? What is an attractive vamp (thanks Carl) like me doing home all by her little self on New Year's? Good question. The funny thing is that my husband wants to keep the boys tonight so I'm free but I think I'll sit my little hot self down and sit at home. I have only gone out maybe twice on New Year's. My ex fiance took me out once in rural Missouri. Fun. I didn't know whether or not I should duck or do the hoe down. Yee haw! Well at least he tried. It was so dumb because he was underage and I was 21 and they asked him who he was with and he pointed to me, "her." Let me stop. It was cool because we didn't pay for anything, I danced, beat him at cricket (ha ha), and got free champagne and favors. That was also the first year I was kissed at midnight. Then, when we got home the party really started. Ok I'll stop there.
The second time I went out on New Year's I was in good old Minneapolis, which should be my home. It was 2000 (yes I went there for the millennium and Y2K). I am stupid because I missed the really cool fireworks display that Chicago had. It was awesome because all of the beaches had fireworks displays from the northside to the southside (awww I just have to tell you something later, don't let me forget). Ok but anyways we got dressed--I was still fat at the time but I still wore some pretty satin jeans and this bisexual guy named Matt parted my hair. Thanks Matt! I really didn't believe that he was going to part it right but Phillip called Matt into the bathroom when I was having trouble parting my hair. Matt worked at the Gap. See, I used to watch this WB show called Perfect and the girls always had these really cute cris cross complicated parts in their hair. Well let me tell you, Matt did the part so pretty and so perfectly. I looked so cute. Ok fast forward. We payed a fortune to dance at First Avenue 7th Street entry (Prince's old club, watch Purple Rain). I saw this really cute guy that reminded me of Chris from Stabbing Westward (thud) oops formerly of SW but currently with the Dreaming, but he was only concerned with Nesha and if she was ok. I really wanted to choke the living day lights out of Nesha that night. Well I'm glad that I spent the last New Year's of the '90s with good friends at a good place in a good town. May old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind da da da da da da da da da da old lang syne. I might get into some trouble yet tonight. How's New Year's in Bridgeport?
Oh btw the tid bit I wanted you to remind me of earlier: I got so super excited when dj Fook of Q101 talked about buying 10 pairs of socks off I55 for $10 and his big smoked whitefish from Bobaks that I just had to totally call in and hit on him. If you guys remember he totally freaked me out when he first started working for Q101 and he asked me to say "Ooooh Fook, rub my back." I totally screwed that up and stopped listening to him but he's a little less perverse now. Another Steve Fisher? Maybe. Maybe not. But we'll just see if I spend another Saturday at the Q101 studios in the Merchandise Mart again. ;)

I am Such a Doofus

Oh and the other reason I am totally back here is because of q101. Q101 is the only surviving alternative music radio station on the planet (an exaggeration). As I have stated before I remember when Alternative was king. It was the '90s. I was young and had the whole wide world in front of me and it was my oyster. I went to tons of concerts, met tons of great people, and had tons of fun fun fun fun fun. But it was the alternative music that helped all that. See I would always have a band or song or video to talk about and I befriended people who would never probably talk to me if it wasn't for Green Day, R.E.M., Depeche Mode, Portishead, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Sponge, Smoking Popes, Nine Inch Nails, Temple of the Dog, Rage Against the Machine, and especially Smashing Pumpkins and Violent Femmes (the kings)! Yeah baby! Anyways the station is counting down the 101 top songs of the past 13 years. There is a different year and a different 101 songs each day. Then you vote for your favorite year and it will be replayed on the 1st or something like that. I would vote for 1995 but since I haven't had time to listen to much of the countdown I'm going to just read the lists at their site http://q101.com and vote for the year with all of my favorite songs. It's probably between '94, '95, and '96.

This Blog

Why do I blog? Why do I continue to blog here after I vowed to give it up? Well I love to blog. I love this blog. I have cooled off now and I find it very interesting/funny/entertaining that someone took time to read this blog (thanks for reading) and took the time to print off some pages to take to my husband (I wish he would slip on some ice and fall into unconsciousness). Let's see, it's Christmas Eve so I don't expect to see him until maybe the 26th or the 27th if I'm lucky. We are supposed to be spending the 1st at a resort so maybe I'll see him by then but I'll probably have to cancel my reservation :( because I'm broke at the moment.
Anyways I went to the first blog I joined which is Steve and Amy Sly.
http://steveandamysly.tannerworld.com
To me they are so freakin' cool and the epitome of how the perfect couple should be. Their wedding and all of their adventures is posted there. See they really have fun with blogging. They travel with the people that belong to their blog. My husband is afraid to travel with them. Because of their blog they get free stuff. I want free stuff. I mean they get tickets to stuff, products, coupons, and etc. But my blog is much more entertaining--in a way. But see I lack a digital camera and this is necessary to really have a good blog.

Btw: The results of the revelation that I totally bash my husband online on this blog. You may notice that I'm not as confused, cynical, angry, and upset on today's posts. It's a shame. Now that my husband knows "all" of my secrets (even though the creep isn't here this morning) we have been getting along like newlyweds (which we kind of are). We have been such the couple for the past few weeks and all that I've revealed to him and all that he's found out from another person have brought us much closer together. He's at home, he's been giving me money and buying me meals (I'm overweight again guys), he's been caring for his children, and he's been going out with me. It would be in poor taste to reveal how else he's been performing but Loretta, why do you have a smile on your face hon? Well I must go back to the land of computer procrastination. Ho Ho Ho, ho ho ho. Merry Christmas to one and all. Love you guys.

The Entry Below

If you click on the "x" below you will be taken to a picture of TomKat. It doesn't really bother me today (the picture) but evidently on the 16th of Dec. I was irritated or upset or something by it. I don't really love Tom Cruise. I wouldn't turn him down though either. Well... on second thought maybe I would, but he was Lestat after all. What's with Stuart Townsed? He was Lestat? But I never viewed "The Queen of the Damned." I wonder why. Anyways he was also Lestat but anyways...
What the heck is Anne Rice thinking? She wrote this new book "Jesus Christ." Ok so let me get this straight. There are people who believe that Lestat really exists. They believe that he resides in New Orleans and that he visited Anne Rice to tell her the stories and that what she wrote wasn't really fiction. Ok, so did Jesus visit her as well? I think she's freakin' nuts, because of her I'm freakin' nuts...but I love you Lestat and I love you Tom Cruise and possibly Stuart Townsend oh and of course Jesus (but in a different way), and whomever Anne Rice cares to write about this week.

My decision

I have decided to leave blogspot. I prefer it here to myspace but I feel the need to be in the company of my true friends where I don't have to feel that there is anything unusual about my blogging behavior. I just read Nesha's latest post and if she can post about her bowels on the cruise ship, peeing in public at the jail in Germany, and the carrot smacking into the glass after seeing War of the Worlds there is nothing "Strange," unusual, or mental about my behavior here. I am glad and proud that we have lives and as soon as I can get up to Minneapolis or stroll on over to Europe to reclaim my life, I will do so. So goodbye old blogspot. I have to learn how to import pics to myspace because right now there is no pic of me and it's driving me up a freakin' wall. kiss kiss.
Contact me to find the myspace address though any old idiot can do a quick search for it. The blog is still public there too. Yay!!! All new husband bashing coming to myspace soon after I've finished all of my final papers! Btw I graduate in August Yayyyyyy!!!!

Some A**hole

Hey ladies.
Some major a**hole just snitched to my husband about our favorite blog and the stuff I've been saying on it. It shouldn't be any surprise to him, I mean if he would have ever listened to anything I've ever told him at all he would know all of this stuff anyways. But I only hear from him an average of 1 week out of the month anyways so I don't know why he's surprised to hear of what we've been discussing over the past few months. I mean really all the stuff I post is stuff that you and I talk about on the phone all the time and it's common knowledge--all of you know all of this. Anyways my husband and whoever thought they were doing him a favor by telling him about this blog think that it is "Strange" for me to write all this stuff on the blog. No, they are pathetic losers who live in the stoneage and need to get a life. I mean you have to be truly pathetic to not blog these days (I do understand that many of you do not have the time and energy to blog after you go about your daily lives and I'm not talking about you). But ok so what. I have a blog and I get real and personal on it. So does Nesha.
http://www.myspace.com/neshaderoni
So does Cara. (Sorry can't think of her addy right now). So does just about every band that's on tour. So does moby. http://www.moby.com -click on his journal. Does that make them strange. Does that make them have a mental problem. I consider what I write on this blog to be tame in comparison to what some people write about and if you have a problem with it go **** yourself and I hope you go to bloody hell because I have gotten rave reviews of my blog and there are people who are my real friends who really look forward to my posts and have been reading them every morning before they start their day off. (Though my husband tells me that it's someone that I know and love that told him about this, and that this person is going to print up all the stuff on here and show it to him I seriously doubt that it is any of you who are my true friends). Curses curses curses curses curses to whoever felt the need to try and ruin a marriage that is already ruined (duh!). I know you guys are thinking that I should pay this person because you all know how long I've been trying to get rid of the overweight, hairy, freak. (But he has been losing a lot of weight recently. He says I've been stressing him out but as you all know it's been the other way around since the early Spring of 2002). So send me your letters of support and please post it on the blog. I need to know that you guys are out there, reading, and supporting me. Tell me how much you like it. Don't email it to me please but if you absolutely have to email it to me then I'll just post it later. Thanks guys!

Another Saturday

I'm happy to be living through/in another Saturday. Today was a good day. The weather was really warm for November and we even got a little "November Rain." Ok ok I know you're thinking Guns N Roses isn't Alternative. I have a little teeny confession to make. Before I turned Alternative I was a bit of a Rock n Roll fan. He he he. Guns N Roses was one of my favorites. And Axl Rose was so darn cute at the MTV music video awards with those so sexy red locs. Just a little Patience yeah yeah. Anyways death to Infinity. All hail the Queen of the Damned. Don't ask me what the heck I am talking about. I'm just typing the first thing that comes to mind. I am sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I just haven't had the inspiration. And now my dear Tom Cruise has knocked that girl up! Darn. Darn. Darn! My babies have no godfather. Will one of you heifers get married already? I know that my dear friend is working on it. Ok I'm trying to have New Year's plans sans the young ones but no one will keep them for me :(. It's ok though I'll live in approximately 10 years when I ship them off to boarding school. Whoo Hooooooo!!!!! Just pray for me. I might be knocked up ( I told you that you'll hear it here first). Let's just hope it's a human then let's hope it's a girl. Ok people I've finally gotten over my birthday woes (well partially) and my husband said yesterday that he's the only one I should be upset with. I got the new Depeche Mode CD for my belated present from this really great guy :)! I already know all of the songs and have certain likes/dislikes among them. I can't wait to see David twist his hips and sing his songs and yea baby!!! hmmmmmmmmmm!!! I am sitting in Section 5 row 5 seat 20. I sat back there before amongst the soundboard and the concert sucked. This time I'm not a virgin. No it really makes a difference. I promise that I'll be back later or tomorrow or never. 7 lies multiplied by 7 multiplied by 7 again. I have been getting some good sleep lately. I absolutely love to sleep--love to dream--love to recline and unwind and have a good time and well you know. kiss kiss. toodles.

Guy in Class

This is really embarrasing and I hope no one from my class reads this. I am too embarrased to post--hell no I'm not. There is a really cute guy in class and I know that he would never in a million years guess that I think so. He's so attractive and has these really great ideas. He doesn't wear a wedding ring so I don't know if he's married. I don't wear a wedding ring and I'm married. But he's the type I would love to go on vacation with. I could just imagine us in a beautiful location surrounded by water and trees and the sun with a lofty bungalow and relaxing furnishings. I wish I could describe him to you but I don't want any of my classmates--including him to know. But I just had to let you know because he is so darn cute! And now I'm about to try and cram all my reading into a couple of hours so I can see him tonight.

Retraction

I do apologize for the last post. I am a little upset about my birthday but I have changed my mind about not hosting my own party on Friday. Now I am looking at catering and menus at several of my favorite spots here in Chicago. I plan on treating everyone or covering more than half of everyone's bill. It's going to cost me more than $400 though. But that's ok because I am only turning 30 once. What made me change my mind? A nice young man that just received his master's degree asked my father on Sunday if I was still having my party. See I invited him and told him that I would give him the details on Sunday but because I was in a funk hole from what transpired between me and my husband on Saturday I didn't go anywhere on Sunday until it was dark outside--and that was a total waste of my time. But now that he asked and my friend's dear brother said that he would be there (I hope he can still make it) I have decided to be a hostess. I plan to be a gracious one. Even though this will not be true I plan to come to my party looking very happy and fresh, calm and pleasant as if I'd just had the best birthday sex of my life with that special someone. Ok I have these Microsoft Plus dancers on my monitor and at first it was cool to see them dancing to my music but now they are irritating the hell out of me. It's a couple doing the salsa or tango or whatever this is. Then there is this girl doing hip hop which is even more irritating. But I plan to download Scooby Doo and that should be better. Ok but now I plan to stop ranting and not rant any more until ten years from now when I'm about to turn forty. I am holding up my right hand. "I LorettaDN do solemnly swear that from today Monday September 19, 2005 I will neither rant nor complain about my 30th birthday sucking as of 8:25 in the morning no matter how much anyone or anything pisses me off. I will be pleasant, gracious, and act like I've just had the best sex I've ever had until September 19, 2015 should I be alive and should there still be an earth though I believe the rapture probably would have taken place by then because after all the antichrist is on earth now and hopefully I will not be here when the Tribulation begins." That's my pledge. Update: I do still hope a building falls on my husband but I want to be the one to push it on him. He actually thought that I would come back over after what happened on Saturday. I know I didn't go into details but he punked me and humiliated me. So of course I don't trust him, he could have been setting a trap for me or setting me up for something. But I must depart because once again it is Monday and I have class. I have not read the book I was supposed to have and I have an assignment due. Ooooooo I have to post another thread because I have to tell you something about class.

Misery

We'll start a factory and make misery...

Put me out of my misery, I'll do it for you why don't you do it for me

What ever happened to Soul Assylum anyway? My friend Jamie used to say that they were a radio friendly Alternative band that also happened to be good. So it was alright for us to listen to them as was Blind Mellon. But normally I wouldn't like something so darn cheesy.

Why misery? you might ask. Those of you who know me well who've been paying attention over the past decade or so will remember that I am always miserable around my birthday. Some years I have had no reason to be. My friends and I used to have birthday weeks and we would celebrate for the entire week :)! Jennifer was the ringleader. One year she made sure I had a nice cake and dinner at this Chinese spot called Cho Sun's. Now that was cool. My ex-fiance gave me a surprise party that someone leaked then told me they were kidding so I kinda knew about it. He had me fooled though for a while. Anyways he had my friend Elyssa bake a cake with whipped cream and strawberries on the side. There was champagne and I'm not sure but I think I ended up at the bar that night. Why am I miserable?
Jennifer isn't here and my ex definitely isn't here. So I am without birthday plans. Now I know on a previous post I invited everyone to my birthday celebration but I've canceled it and the other ones I'd planned. Why? Because I am so f------ tired of planning my own celebrations. This s--- is getting old just like I am. I had to plan my own f------ baby shower and nobody bothered to attend my wedding. Kenesha and Phil have an excuse. They were out of the country. Everyone had the same notice as me and my husband because I didn't know I was getting married that Sunday until that Saturday myself. But I digress.
See I am turning 30 so this is a big one. Otherwise I wouldn't much care. Last year all I wanted to do was sit at home and spend time with my new baby and his big brother. I was just glad to have my health, I was glad that I was married, and I was glad that my husband and I had a roof over our heads. But now that I'm sans the husband (it's for good this time really folks--I've experienced a new emotion after he punked me, humiliated me in front of lots of people, and called the police on me last night), I just don't feel motivated to go out. Besides my mom has complained about keeping the babies.

This is what I envisioned: Thursday September 22, 2005 drinks and appetizers at the Raw Bar and either Exedus II or the Wild Hare, Friday September 23, 2005 my birthday tapas at Cafe Babareeba then Gameworks (Alternative music plays on Fridays) Saturday September 24, 2005 I have an exam in my Colonial Latin America class clubbing at Le Passage or travel with my husband and the babies. Sunday September 25, 2005 more travel.

But now I think I'm going to sit in the house and hope that everyone forgets to wish me a happy birthday. I hope no one reads this and I hope a building falls on top of my husband causing me to be an instant widow so I don't have to file for a divorce.

I'm Sorry

Well guys. I've made some improvements around here. I added word verification for people to post comments. That's because I've gotten some strange comments. One of them is telling me to try this new diet if I'm having trouble losing weight. Well I've actually been wearing my size 6 jeans lately so I think I'm doing ok on my own. The next commenter tried to get me to immigrate to Canada. I'm actually considering that. Well let me explain that some of the men on my short baby daddy list can just make their donation in a paper cup. I don't need to be physical with some of them ewwwwwwwwww b/c 50 cent looks like a gorilla to me I don't care how buff he is. Anyways I also changed the time so that it agrees with Chicago time. The only problem is that all the times on my previous posts are screwed up but from here on out the correct time that we're all posting will be listed.
Ttfn
Ta ta for now

Update: I figured out that all the times that are listed are approximately 10 hours ahead of the time of the actual posts. I might do a project one day and correct them all (this is the only one with the correct date and time now).

The next guy who takes me to SW Michigan to some antique stores, drives me by the winery, and takes me to one of the restaurants is my next baby daddy no questions asked. Ok time is running out so post your comments now b/c the next guy to comment is it. Unless it's the other guy from Outkast. I can't stand him and I don't care how much money he makes; he just irritates me.

My Baby Daddy

Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Terrence Howard is so fine that my sister has even taken notice. I already put my mother on notice that that's going to be my next baby daddy (if I'm not pregnant now--told you you hear it here first). Ok he's really not THAT attractive. He has pretty light eyes but I don't really like the way his head is shaped or his hair. And I don't really find facial hair attractive though I'm sure some of you will disagree with this. He's older. Ok I can't see myself cavorting with anyone over 36. Guys too old and guys too young both get on my nerves almost equally but haven't you noticed how grown up and buff some of the 15 year olds are looking this season. Ok before the feds come after me I'll stop talking about that.

Is anyone else relieved that summer 2005 has almost come to an end. Phew! I think I've finally gotten my mind back and the cold weather should help considerably with that. But this is about the time of year I like to get pregnant. I feel like getting all cuddly and close and eating comfort foods. I need to remove the battery from my biological clock. I need to take a sledgehammer and smash that clock, alarm and all. I held my first cousin's little baby girl who's a little younger than my youngest. Awwwwwwww she is so sweet and cuddly... but let me stop myself right there. My other first cousin's wife tried so hard to have a girl and ended up with about 6 boys.

Ok but I still have a short list of baby daddies. Of course for these baby daddies I will need your assistance in setting up surveillance so that in court I get my child support. Terrence Howard, Tiger Woods, R. Kelly, Snoop Dog, Diddy, Kanye West, Common, The Game, Andre Benjamin, 50 cent, L L (Cool J), Russell Simmons, James Brown ( I do not discriminate because of age, religion, race, handicap or creed), Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey (sp?), Colin Farrell, Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Ben Affleck (a drunk just like my husband), oh, my husband, Tyler Perry, Bob from Sesame Street, the UPS man, and two of the guys in my financial aid office.

And this is the short list.

Crawlin

Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal

Linkin Park is another great band that fits right in though they weren't popular in the '90s.
As much as I love Gilmore Girls I'm still offended that Lorelai asked Rory what she would do if she got a college roommate that listened to/liked Linkin Park. Rory said that she'd get another roommate. So I'm trying to figure out what's cool and what' s not Gilmore Girls style. That show is so darn quirky that I'm surprised that I like it. But I suppose Rory reminds me a lot of me though we have/had absolutely nothing in common. I guess the whole race to get into an Ivy League school thing was something that we have in common. But hey it's just a tv show. I really feel akin to Rory now though that she's taking the semester off from Yale.

Anyway, there is absolutely no reason for people to get upset with me if they don't hear from me. Just check the blog. How many freakin' times can I tell them to just check the blog. I might be going through something and like I've told you guys, you hear it here first. But I keep sending emails telling people when things are updated here and they're still back on the post from June when I hid in the bushes and frightened my husband. It's Christina's birthday. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to hide on my birthday. At first celebrating a milestone seemed like a good idea but now I'm feeling old. I am wise enough to realize that I'm not old though. My great aunt was born in 1909 for heaven's sake. Let me get to THAT milestone and then call me old. It's just that guys seem to be getting younger and younger. I mean there used to be a time when I could watch a baseball game and wish that I were a grown woman and able to land one of the players. Now they're all too young and somehow I've caught up with Gred Maddux and he's as old as dirt. But you know they whole baseball groupie thing disgusts me and turned me off from ever really wanting a baseball player. I mean these girls are more disgusting than rock star groupies. Oh but I digress. Yes I'm going to be the big 3-0 in just a few short weeks and I won't be telling anyone my age. I sense a hint of maturity though because going to the movies for a first date just doesn't have the same appeal it did ten years ago but like I said the guys are getting younger and younger.

What about a nice twilight walk on the sand while the waves lap up on the shore or a candlelight picnic? Or what about an enchanted evening dining at a candlelit table at the tapas restaurant? How's about a nice long drive to SW Michigan (it's only about 45minutes when there's no traffic) to the restaurant/winery for a quick dinner and wine tasting and visiting antique stores and farmer's markets? I swear there is nothing a man under 33 can do for me right now and I'm not talking about sex thank you very much. My husband and I have done all of these things but we never made it to the winery/restaurant ( I want to go to Tabor Hill) because we didn't have the funds and we never stopped at the antique store. The picnic wasn't by candlelight but that's quite alright.
I would even go to Gameworks. On Fridays I hear they're playing Alternative music, which is cool. I haven't been able to go because I've only been pregnant for the last 2-3 years straight. Please accept my apologies guys but I do not feel up to instructing our youth on how to properly date.

Please

I am asking you all to please bear with me. I have gotten out of my bed and it is now 1:29 AM according to the computer and 1:25 according to the VCR on Sunday September 04, 2005. I was in my bed with my earphones on listening to Stabbing Westward's "Waking Up Beside You" and it is on repeat. Showtime at the Apollo is on the muted television. The babies are asleep and I can't go back to sleep. I have been having an allergic reaction to something or maybe I'm dying from some disease but my eyes have been swelling and I've been itching. But the reason I got out of bed is to wonder why in the hell I let Brian get away. I mean it has only been ten years since I've seen him but what the **** was I thinking. I mean I was just wondering if he'd heard this song and if he likes/liked this song. He was so cool (in a way). He went to NYU but he had to leave. He was totally into Alternative music particularly Depeche Mode but like me he was into Depeche Mode and any other good Alternative Music. See as I've said before that's the thing that brought people together in the '90s, Alternative music. It didn't matter where you were from and in all the cities/towns the way in which the songs were played was different but we all still knew the same songs. We all knew the same bands. We had MTV with 120 minutes. Now that Q101 is on shuffle I've been hearing some songs that I haven't heard for ten years. This weekend is a summer countdown and the top 300 songs of the summer are being played. They don't have to have anything to do with the summer or anything but everyone voted on what songs they like to do whatever to during the summer. Blister in the Sun is number one.
I've digressed so far from what I intended to write but here goes nothing. Brian understood me and I understood him. He asked me as I was reading Lestat if it was turning me on. We had so much in common. He was tall. He was good looking. But he had a girlfriend and I respected that. At that time I wouldn't hit on a guy who had a girlfriend. You see I was the virginalist virgin of virgins, I was more naive if that were possible, and I didn't know what the **** I was doing as if that weren't obvious. I know that he's never going to read this or know how I feel or that we can never/will never be together but I just want to know how the heck I let him get away. I did try to call him once but whoever I talked to at his home made such a to do that he was out with his GIRLFRIEND that I didn't call back and the girl who wrote his address in my book wrote it so awfully that I couldn't read it. I think I'll do a search for him and see what comes up. I bet he's on myspace. Everyone is on myspace including me but I like it here better. I know that my friends are like---- "Brian"? When did you ever have a thing for Brian? Who? Well I did share this with one friend at the time, Tasha. But she's not reading this blog and I haven't spoken to her for over a year. But Brian if you are reading this give me a call--ok you don't have the number but post a reply or something and ...

Aaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!

Crap
Crap
Crap
My computer wouldn't turn on so I called hp and they wanted to charge me $40 to talk to me. So I ask them where I can take the computer to be fixed and they tell me Radio Shack or Best Buy. Ok but I didn't know they were going to send my poor computer to Amherst, NY. Crap so now I'm computerless and today is the first day of class. For those of you who don't know I start school--6 hours this fall at Chicago State and I should have my master's in a year. I'm still trying to stay at Loyola too. Well...I've had an amazing couple of weeks. I went out on a boat and got seasick trying to watch the Air and Water show this past weekend. I had to wear this big bulky life preserver so I couldn't show off my cute outfit and cute guys kept waving too. My husband spent the night last night and I had to hurt his feelings but after that we got along pretty well. But guilt is about to hit me like a ton of bricks. Isn't it ironic that they sent me this God's Daily Promises email that says "Those who trust in God are no longer guilty." Oh ok thanks. Well I better go to class before they take all the good seats. I was in this conference room when I was pregnant with my second child and all the chairs would be gone by the time I got there. There were like 6 guys and me in the class and none of the jerks would get me a chair. As pregnant as I was I would lift a heavy chair and try to find a spot at the table. But I'm not pregnant this semester. Yayyyyyyy!!!!! Let's keep it that way.

Why??!!??

"Do you like American music? I like American music"
Somehow that song by the Violent Femmes just popped into my head.
For some reason I feel really good right now. It's like a large, heavy weight has been lifted off of me and I feel GREAT!!!!!

I did just let go of some dead weight that I should have never carried on my shoulders. It's strange how something can change in just one day--so rapidly. But things have changed for me and I feel that I have evolved. If this is possible I have become even more of a free spirit. I am more open, more self assured, and more true to myself. There aren't many more times in my life that I will have to kick myself wishing that I had done or said something that I didn't and wondering what would have happened had I just...

Keeping that in mind, why do I like The Game's new song "Dreams." Ok before you pass out or grab your pills and water just hear me out ok. Late one night I was awakened out of my sleep. I immediately grabbed my earphones to see what was on Q101. To my surprise some rap music was on and I realized that one of the babies had changed my radio station again. So as I was about to turn I started listening to the music and I started bobbing my head. I started listening to the lyrics and thought that they were really deep and creative. Then I waited to hear who it was and of course the dj didn't say. So during the day I started searching trying to find out who it was. I thought maybe it was something from the Hustle and Flow soundtrack because I'd heard some of the music on the trailers but when I kept searching and analyzing those tracks nothing matched up. So I asked my dumb husband and of course he was no help. I asked him if it was 50 cent from the Hustle and Flow soundtrack or something and he said Yeah it was. Then he got upset and said that I wanted a gangsta now and that I'm listening to 50 cent now and that I've changed and etc. etc. So I got upset with him because I'm all like I'm too old to be running around with a gangsta and that I only like that one song. He also accused me of running around with a gangsta. Ha! Then I went home and started searching and looking up all of 50 cent's stuff and nothing matched up. Besides I find him so hideously ugly to look at. Anyway I just start randomly looking at charts and rap stuff until I got tired and since it was the middle of the night by the time I gave up I just turned off the computer and went to bed.
So last week Tuesday I went to my unit meeting still with that bugging me--who's song is this, what song is this? So after the meeting I go see my husband (mistake), he throws me out of his grandma's house where he sleeps on his little brother and sisters' floor, and tells me never to come back. I'm like yeah ok and I go home and get on the phone. Then he calls me all like we need to talk and will you come back so I'm like ok I'm on my way. Just then some dead weight calls me and I immediately get off the phone with my cousin. I am on the phone with this dead weight for an hour and I think to mention the song to him. He finally tells me who it is and what song it is and I am forever grateful that I don't have that bothering my brain anymore.
In my defense--the version I heard on the radio and on aol is clean so I didn't hear the N word or the f word or the b word. I pulled up the lyrics and was kind of shocked that he called Mya a b. But why was she on the front of King magazine looking like that? And 50 cent did boink Vivica. And good girls are surprising these lousy good for nothing jerks and giving it up every day. But I digress. Still after being shocked and offended by those parts of the song I still find the idea of bringing all of the dead people into the song and melding dream with reality appealing. For almost two months now I've been living a dream but now it's back to reality for me. After all you do only live once as far as I know and it's over and you don't want to go on for the rest of your life kicking yourself and wondering how this or that could have been if I'd only done this or that and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on.......................

Too Hot!!!!!!!!

I am sorry to all of my faithful readers that I haven't posted in a while. But... it's been way toooooooooooooo hottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!! I am in my living room and it is so hot that my shirt is sticking to my back. It's so hot that the computer is even slower if that is possible with this awful dialup connection. It is so hot that I can't even download constantine videos from the we crave constantine site properly. It is so hot that it's only 12:30 and I want to go to bed already. It's so hot that I'm not swooning over any guys--not even Constantine or Moby. I mean I have been in worse heat. In Africa it didn't cool down until about 5 in the morning and it got impossibly hot again at around 6. I would love to go back there though. I had a nice time. Now I may venture outside before retiring. I promise I'll be back soon.

Me and Moby? Moby and me? I almost forgot until I started taking this dumb AOL news quiz that I take every week and do terribly on that I have a thing for Moby. There was this really really cute picture of him on the quiz. He had facial hair and really cute glasses on. I was trying to find a picture of him that doesn't look like my husband since I couldn't download that picture. He looks like my husband on most of his pictures and he looks like my sister's baby picture on the rest of them. I'm looking at her baby picture right now, she's bald and it's in black and white. Anyway, the report is that Moby has respect for Eminem now. Yayyy! Not that I'm happy that he has respect for Eminem but maybe this dumb feud will be over. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Eminem and Moby fans have been fighting for like three years now almost. I mean what am I supposed to do, throw a vinyl record at an eminem fan while he pulls out a gun and shoots me? I mean come on. How are the weak, vegetarian Moby fans supposed to beat up an Eminem fan? Well let an Eminem fan come to a rave and stand in front of the big a** speakers and we'll push the speaker over and crush him. But let me not be so violent. I've missed every Moby concert here. Once I missed it to be in class. I got an A in the class so it was worth it. Then I missed it to be pregnant. Oh joy! Then I didn't even know he was here at the Taste of Chicago this year--I was in Minneapolis trying to clear my head. Now I'm not going to see him. My mom is hopeful that I'll see him the next time he's in town. When will that be, 2009? And if I ever met him, what would I say to him? You inspired me to be a better Christian and a vegetarian? You inspired me to be a vegetarian to be a better Christian? Let's run away together forever, wait a minute let me drop my kids off with some relatives. Get the heck out of here. I mean I would have to stop eating eggs and cheese and butter and ice cream and well just about everything. I couldn't wear anything Coach because it's leather and I'd have to throw out most of my shoes. I don't even think he uses soap. But who's perfect? Well..in my defense for being such a poor Moby fan I've been married and having babies and stuff and that's why the only album I have of his is Play. No other reason. Now you all have homework. Find Mr. Melville (yes Moby is related to THAT Melville) and give him my number, email address or whatever. I almost forgot. His journal is worse than this blog. He writes "oh I just got it Taipei. I'm going to bed now" and "I just put some more pictures I took on this website. I took a picture of the skyline." The coolest journal entry of his was right after Sep. 11. He was cursing and complaining that no one told the Manhattan residents that because of the debris and residue it was unhealthy for them to breathe the air around there--and he was upset because he could have possibly gotten ill just by being at home. I wonder what ever happened with that?

Can You?

Can you see it? Can you see it? Me and Constantine. Constantine and me. Well now I'm hooked. I've almost become one of those psycho silly old bats who's in love with Constantine Maroulis. He's just sooooooo cute to me right now. I am saying this because the new compilation album Killer Queen is coming out next month. He is doing one Bohemian Rhapsody and another band is doing the other. I just watched a promo clip of him in the studio and it is just so nice, perfect, cool! Way cool! But I am now feeling utter disgust when I think of who he is reportedly "casually dating." Ewwww. Some people need some discernment or some help.

Ok I'm still like planning my birthday celebration. I looked into getting a party room with a set menu at the restaurant I have chosen but the package I like is 27.95 per person plus 10% tax and a 20% gratuity. ouch! We could just go as a big group and order a few tapas to share. The first time I did this the tab came to about $11 per person. The second time I did this it came to $25 per person. Ok I was so pissed because I was with psychology students and they were so DUMB. I mean they ordered pitchers of sangria and paella and other stuff that totally ran the tab up and they wanted to split it even. Some people threw money down and ran out of there. I'm pretty sure they shorted us because in the end some really nice guy ended up paying the rest out of his pocket. I will never doubt U of C students again. Still the smartest in the world. They are the ones that kept the tab low. The graduate students in psychology are the ones that didn't have any sense. See that is why I post on internet boards and blogs rather than seek psychological help. What can they do for me if they can't even handle going to a tapas bar and ordering enough for everyone at the table while keeping the tab low?

Always,
L

PS: google Hollywood records Killer Queen and watch the beautiful footage that caused me to melt at this ungodly hour.

Announcement!!

I finally finished reading what has been written so far in the "Wildest Dreams" story about Constantine Maroulis. Phew! That story is worse than both of the times I was in labor. But I'm looking forward to each subsequent installment.

And just to clarify what I wrote earlier, the woman who is writing the story is NOT the same lady who is complaining about not being able to be a good wife and get back to reality after meeting him. Poor lady. She mixed bleach and ammonia together and she's requesting prayer because she's so sick; she almost died from the chemicals being mixed. Oh bummer.

Anyway... I was just reading another thread that gave me the exact date of Con's birthday--Sep. 17 and also reminded me that he is turning the big 3 0. I was inspired by both the story and this reminder to celebrate my own turning the big 3 0 six days after Constantine :). I want a big dinner party so I'm letting all of you guys know in advance. And I know the perfect place to have my bash. So I'm hoping you guys can get into the city so we can go out--preferably on the 23rd, which is a Friday. Figure it out guys!

Lore

Me and J-Me

Here's a picture of me and Jamie at the dance--the reason that he and Christina drove all the way to Decorah and subsequently hit that poor little deer.

How much more can I take

Fudge! I mean I've been reading this fan fiction about Constantine Maroulis all day. It's one in the morning now and I'm only on message number 379 of 1267. How many times can you freakin' look deeply into his eyes, kiss his top lip, bottom lip, full lip, and grab his hand while he leads you down the freakin' hall to the bedroom. It was cool at first and I laughed, cried, gazed dreamily into the air, but now I'm tired. But I want to know how this darn story ends. Now Constantine has given the girl a key to his place and begged her to stay every night for two weeks. So when they get home from anywhere they always plop down on the couch, have a beverage, kiss, talk, and make love.

Ok say it was me writing this story instead of the current author. It wouldn't work. Ok I have written fan fiction about Constantine but it was more fun than romantic. And I've totally been mindful of my marriage no matter how miserable it is. I think this chick is married too but she doesn't freakin' care. In fact I caught her on another topic crying about how she met Constantine and she can't stop thinking about him--not even long enough to be a wife to her husband. She needs him more and more. Well stop writing this freakin' deluded story about him. But like I said I was enjoying it for the first four hours I was reading it.

Back to what I was saying. I mean if it were me in the story there would have to be a line when Constantine goes "what the heck" after it gets a little too toasty in his bedroom and my hair gets puffy and I start to look like a porcupine or a witch (not the charmed ones). Then when he tries to run his fingers through my hair they'll get stuck in my naps. For those of you who don't understand, his hands will get stuck in my natural woolly hair when the method of straightening I have utilized has failed due to the moisture in the air or from my (our) sweat. Ok then I'd have to run and find a nice Egyptian man or some ghetto beauty salon where I could get my hair pressed right quick. Then Constantine will try and run his fingers through my hair and of course I would have forgotten that I just got a press and curl and the poor guy's hand will be full of grease and the whole mood of the evening would be ruined.

You know what I'm going to stop right there. I was going to add how hairy I am and how the girl keeps taking these showers which you think Constantine is going to join her in but he just ends up bringing her a towel and she never shaves. I have to shave like twice a day to keep my legs smooth. Poor Constantine will be getting scratched by stubble--I'm sorry I'm going to stop right now. But the last white guy who touched my new growth dropped dead. No I'm serious. I let dear Aanon touch my new growth when I needed a touch up and right before sophomore year he was dead with no real explanation. So I haven't let any more white guys in on the secret. I did let my ex try to oil my scalp once but the results were disastrous. I probably wanted him to drop dead by that time in our relationship though.
Well I'm going to go back to this story but there is only so much I can take and I'm going to run away from the computer screaming and hollering ENOUGH!!! And only about a month of time has elaspsed in almost 400 posts. I can't even say luv you Constantine after this.

But back in the 90s I loved my fan fiction about David Duchovny or rather about Agent Mulder. *sigh* He's alright but he's not really cute anymore now that he isn't Mulder. He was cute on Who Want's to be a Millionaire because Regis kept calling him Mulder and he was wearing all black. Gosh I wanted to marry Agent Mulder--NOT--David Duchovny mind you. He wasn't even cute in Red Shoe Diaries. (Didn't I say I was about to end this post a minute ago?) He played this poor sap who's woman cuckolded him. Let me explain...now see you all know you saw that movie but didn't actually pay attention to the story line like I did. His beautiful exotic girlfriend--I don't think they were engaged--cheated on him after he ran her bath water and bathed her, worshipped the ground she spat on, and freakin' took care to her every want and need. She cheated on him with this guy who sold her red shoes--a freakin' shoe salesman. Then the passion is too much for her and it consumes her, plus she can't live with the fact she cheated on David Duchovny. So she kills herself. I mean he drew her a freakin' bubble bath and played this really cool song that is on the first Pure Moods CD *phew* and even reached his hand into the tub--enough I'm done. Stick a fork in me I'm done. After I get divorced it's me and Constantine, my nappy hair, two screaming babies, a Mary Kay career, and graduate school. I really need some sleep. I haven't slept four hours in 2 days now and it's so freakin' hot!

Goodnight.

Ok I'll Force it Again--just one more time

Update on how I like Depeche Mode's new song.

It's allllllllright. I mean I'm glad to hear a new DM song and I'm always glad to hear Dave sing.

but

it's so mild mannered and so "oh well I'll write this song and *yawn* you sing it and we'll tour and make money and stuff."

I'm in the process of forcing myself to like it and there are certain parts of the song that I do like really but I'm just not in love with it. It's too radio friendly and it sounds too much like something that came out a long time ago by a group called Cause and Effect that sounded just like Depeche Mode.

In all fairness, the recording I heard was not ready for release yet. The song should not have been heard until September or October but some dummy at Q released the recording and the unfinished video on what he thought was a "secure" area of their website. So every true Depeche Mode fan (except for me) got to download this stuff. So now that I'm three days late (as always) I can no longer find the link to the video because hooray it's illegal to download and view and every link has been removed. But somebody sold it on ebay already. I searched far and wide on websites in various languages for a link to the song. Guess where I found it.
CHUM FM in Canada of all places. They're so bold that they have been playing the song on the radio already and have a poll where you can listen to the song and vote on how much you liked or disliked it.

"Oh Canada..."

So I'll be going to this tour and singing every word to this song and pretending to like it, though I'll really be there to see and hear all of the old songs.

Ready Ethel?

Free Loretta

Gosh my baby won't go to sleep. He's been crying for over an hour now. I left him in the dark listening to classical music and he just doesn't get it. Freakin' go to sleep already. I think the other one got the hint and gave up crying. I've been watching Depeche Mode videos all day and I'm in a real sultry mood. I wish I knew what that word means. Anyways why Free Loretta? you might ask.

Well... my cousin told me yesterday that her friend got freed for $2,000. No slavery hasn't come back without you being aware. Her friend got a good lawyer and immediate divorce papers with $2,000 bucks. That's good service. So if there is anyone out there that wants to make a contribution to the Free Loretta campaign I'll be taking donations between noon and five, which as you'll remember from a previous post is the time I am taking offers for a good sugar daddy. Weekdays.

Free Katie. I haven't been to that website yet. I was going to buy a Free Katie t-shirt but I just haven't bothered yet. It was cooler to me when I thought they were just talking about freeing her from her relationship with Tom Cruise (this was before the engagement) but when I found out that they were talking about Scientology (I guess) the concept wasn't as cool to me anymore. I mean she got herself into it and she'll get what's coming to her as a result. (oooh I should take my own advice, ouch). I mean this is an early warning. You guys will probably never have to worry about this but... here goes nothing...

When Katie and Tom get divorced and Tom and I meet at Tom Mann's Fish World in Eufaula Alabama we'll instantly fall in love. Don't worry about the boys, I'm sure they'll be in a very nice boarding school. In France. or Portugal.
Anyways we'll fall in love and get engaged but the media won't care because who the heck am I? I mean at first they'll think he's doing a sex video like Colin Farrell or getting what Hugh Grant got from Divine Phillips. They won't take the relationship seriously and no one will be selling Free Loretta t-shirts. But when I go to the French Chateau looking building in California to learn about my new religion--Scientology--don't go looking for me. Shhh...don't tell Tom my love but it will all be an act. Trust me they can hook me up to a machine all day and all night and make me read Dianetics all day long but I won't believe in it. Who's the poor human being who was forced to view Interview With the Vampire with me you may ask? (Remember that Tom Cruise was Lestat). Just a minute the baby is still screaming and it's been almost two hours now. Let me investigate.


He's fine.

Poor Christina and her mom. The funny thing is I didn't actually sit with them in the theater because I wanted to get the full effect of the movie, which doesn't even make any sense to me now ten years after the fact.

Crap it's going to be so hot tomorrow. It's going to feel like it's 114. You can already tell that the weather is messed up by my hair. It is bushy and I look like a witch, a real witch, not the charmed ones.

You shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, Just like everybody else does

You may be thinking to yourself that this is a page about the 90s and that song was out in the 80s. Well you're wrong. For the movie "The Craft" Love Spit Love remade that song. It's a little faster than Morrissey's version and you can really dance to it. That's when I went through my "I want to be a witch" phase. Who suffered through this with you? you may ask. Once again, poor Christina.

Who was in Subway on Clark Street with me after I'd seen Clerks and was going through my "wow Clerks was the funniest movie in the world" phase? Poor Christina. See we went into Subway and stood there at the counter for about 15 minutes. Nobody ever came out to help us. We could have stolen chips, pop, bread from behind the counter if we were feeling confident. So I screamed "they must be doing it" and nobody ever replied or anything. We just left.

And I still wonder how somebody who didn't even have a car could get from Chicago to Decorah, Iowa (6 hours away) at a moments notice whenever I needed a friend. Well let me tell you. My dear friend Jamie (darn it where is he?) drove all the way to LaCrosse Wisconsin from Milwaukee (Milwaukee stories will definitely follow at another time) to meet a friend and then pick up poor Christina in Rochester Minnesota from the train station to meet up with me in Decorah so all of us could go to the formal. Memories. Well on the way back the car Jamie was driving (a friend's car) met up with a deer. Rofl--they freakin' hit a deer fooling around with me. Nobody who's only been in Chicago all of their lives understands why people need collision insurance and what it really means to hit a deer.

Let's see, she was there for my frozen custard (got to have it) phase. My Alanis Morrisette all men are evil phase. My let's go to every concert and live show phase. My Dave Gahan phase. My Dave Gahan phase. My Dave Gahan phase. Yes I want to be Mrs. David Gahan again.
And even my tapas got to have them phase though every time I eat tapas I get woozy.
I was just at a friend's birthday celebration and I ate tapas and drank just a bit of Sangria. So the freakin' restaurant was spinning and I couldn't justify driving home under such conditions. So of course I called my boyfriend who was no good--I married him and he's worse than no good. He wouldn't come and get me because he says that in the same situation I wouldn't have come and gotten him and that I'm a hypocrite because I say I don't drink and I shouldn't have gotten into that situation anyway. So my dear cousin Tony comes to get me on the el train. He puts me on another el train and I go home leaving my car all the way up north on Halsted street. The next day Kenesha who'd driven to Chicago all the way from Minneapolis had to drive me to my car. The tire was flat. A cute guy in Lincoln Park put that stuff in the tire that fixes the flat. sigh. He was dreamy but I was in love with that little creep. Anyways Kenesha told me to like flirt, get his number or something but I'm so freakin' repressed and slow that I never know what I'm doing. But I digress. I just wanted to dedicate the 90s to dear Christina who I dragged hither and yon. I literally dragged her through the decade. Through fields with guys who worship the sun and through more fields with roads with signs that say Pavement Ends. We didn't know that that meant the road was going to turn to gravel. When it did I hit the breaks and the car (same car that hit a deer) spun around in a circle. Everyone except for Christina was afraid. I hope this brightens up your day, Ethel.

Love,
Lucy

Live

it's easier not to be wise
and measure these things by your brain
I sank into Eden with you
alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here save your eyes
you'll need them your boat is at sea
your anchor is up you've been swept away
the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there by yourself chained to fate

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this

it's easier not to be great
and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by this resolve
alone in the church by and by
to cradle the baby in space
and leave you there by yourself chained to fate yeah

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you

oh no we took it back to far
only love can save us now
all these riddles that you burn
all come running back to you
all these rhythms that you hide
only love can save us now
all these riddles that you burn yeah yeah yeah

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this

I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you

Dedicated to Kenesha Brown. It's not that I love and tempt you or anything like that but you're the one that sat around the dorm room with me and watched Live Unplugged on MTV back when it was still a station (barely) that meant a darn and made the 90s totally bearable and FUN alternative and rockin.' Love ya babe.

Today

I said that I wouldn't vote anymore for the people trying to become the next lead singer of INXS but for some odd reason I rushed home from my Mary Kay meeting to catch the last half hour of the show. I really didn't intend to vote, I mean the rest of the world can decide who takes Michael's place--
right?--

wrong!

I believe that I've grown to love some of the contestants and I really don't want to see some of them go. So I voted. Thank goodness my connection was bettter this time and the voting was much less laborious. But with so many people to vote for, I forgot who I'd already voted for.

And... I don't understand how they choose the music the people sing. I mean they play INXS on the alternative station here. So are they alternative? On the show people are singing Hendrix, which I can understand because it's rock n roll but they're also singing "What I Like About You" and Black Sabbath and it's just all mixed up to me.

But ok let me stop babbling and write about the topic I really want to discuss. I've been holding it all in because I don't want any of you to think any less about me. I mean I do have a reputation to live up to. Ok, here it is. I am totally in love with Constantine Maroulis. Well... sometimes I am. I mean he's creepy, a loser, grimy, greasy, funny looking, and looks like he's stoned out of his mind most of the time. But I don't care man. He doesn't really sing--he screams. He doesn't really rock. His band needs practice. He sold himself out for popularity. And he probably won't go very far. But hey he's dreamy. Well no he's not but at least he's Greek. But I don't like Greek men. There was one exception. When I was a first year in college I was totally into this Greek guy named Anthony. Unlike Constantine Maroulis he had a really great buff bod. He was in my Humanities class and that was like the only class I passed. He was into my really short, plain, homely friend though. But he was in a fraternity and I braved the cold Chicago winter to go to one of their parties. They decided to have a shorts theme in like 30 below zero weather. So my homely friend and I wore shorts over our pants. We went, we danced and we stayed so freakin late that it was morning when I got back to my dorm. But hey Anthony complimented my shorts so it wasn't a total waste of time that took up an entire half day of my life that I could have spent studying or praying or trying to save the world or anything else that would mean something today now was it? Oh yeah he was on the football team and he liked Melrose Place too. Dreamy.

Ok back to Constantine. For those of you who do not know, he was on American Idol this year and when he got voted off the show his girlfriend (no not really) Paula Abdul cried and hugged his mother. He sang a Nickelback song that I barely remembered and barely liked back when it was released. Evidentally it was a chart topper because I heard it when I was in rural Wisconsin on my way to Minneapolis earlier this month.

Let's see he's 29 like me; he was born in September like me; and he was born in 1975 like me. Oh and he still lives at home with his parents like me. He hasn't been able to hold down a steady job like me. That's where our similarities end. He's been on Elimidate; he's been in Rent; and he's in a band who's album is being distributed by Koch Records. Whoo Hoo!

But dude what's with his eyes man. Sometimes his come hither stare causes me to scream but most other times when I look into his eyes--well as much as you can look into someone's eyes through a tv set or monitor--I think ewwwww what's his problem.

But I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have the babies and the husband I'd be a faithful GGG (Greek God Groupie--what his fans call themselves) and travel the states to see my future Greek husband sing (and stare) and swear and creep me out. But I'm sure I'd get tired of him as well and kick him out or leave and get a legal separation that would eventually end in a divorce, etc.
But anyway it's almost midnight and my brain is fried. Today was a pretty good day--it was just strange as heck. If anyone sees Lestat, Constantine Maroulis, Tom Cruise, Dave Gahan, Martin Gore, David Letterman, Thom Brennaman, Christopher Hall, Jon Kelley, Shemar Moore, the Native American guy from Creepshow part 2, Corey Patterson, Derek Jeter or oh yeah Brad Pitt's single again and even though I don't like him he did play Louis opposite Lestat, give them my phone number. (After I'm divorced).

Lead Singers

Thanx a lot for reminding me that I found the lead singer of Prodigy semi-attractive until I saw him drooling.

I do not remember this. I was just listening to Firestarter, or Breathe, or Smack My B---- Up and thought to myself that he'd be cute without the mohawk if you can call his hairstyle a mohawk, the piercings, the tatoos, and the eye makeup. He's workable.

I just always seem to find the lead singer attractive no matter what band. Gavin Rossdale of Bush, Christopher Hall of Stabbing Westward, Michael Hutchence of INXS, ok I tried to find Scott from Creed attractive but he just isn't, and last but certainly not least Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode (sigh).

But this just in. I really don't find Dave that attractive anymore. Ok get off the floor and stop praying. I don't think the world is really coming to an end. I mean I don't hear sirens and I don't believe we're getting bombed but I'm pretty sure the antichrist is on the earth. Why and what happened??

Well he's cute and he has a nice voice and all but it's obvious that he hits his habits kind of hard. He just doesn't seem to be picking up any weight anymore, he just isn't--Martin. Ok I have an affinity towards Martin now. I always thought that he looked rather strange but I read somewhere that he's half African-American. Oh. That's why he looks so cute with those knit caps pulled tightly over his head. And he djs too. He writes all the band's songs. He sings from his very soul. And he has nice lips. My friend Teressa tried to tell me this years and years ago but I didn't listen. So now as I prepare to earn money for concert tickets (oh and to live off of) I will be fawning over Dave but I'll really be there to see Martin.

Last time I dragged my friend Becky to the concert with me. We were left center in like row N so we had pretty good seats. I swear that at the last two concerts Dave and I locked eyes for a moment and stared into each others souls--but I digress. My dear Becky was wearing a jacket with suede sleeves. As my favorite song "Clean" was being sung I grabbed poor Becky's arm. Somehow she ended up with scratches deep in her arm. My am I that powerful?

Clean the cleanest I've been an end to the tears and the in between years and the trouble I've seen. Now that I'm clean. You know what I mean. I've broken my fall put an end to it all and I've changed my routine. Now I'm clean.

As years go by all the feelings inside twist and they turn as they ride with the tide...

I kept singing that verse as I rode across the Atlantic ocean in this ferry. I was so freakin' sea sick but I decided that I was not going to lose my cookies, no no no. So I kept singing clean over and over again for 3 hours until we got where we were going. I tell you, I drove those Africans nuts...even more so than I drive you nuts. I know they were never so glad to get somebody back on the plane to America. One guy wrote and faxed me and it wasn't even romantic. He wanted a copy of a picture I took of him. I didn't write back.

I don't advise and I don't criticize I just know what I like with my own eyes.
(Very good advice Martin)

Sometimes.

40 + is my lucky number

Yes guys it's really happening! You've heard it here first. My dad is about to retire. Crap. It looks like after over 40 years of being a postal slave for the federal government my dad who's nearing 70 years of age is finally calling it quits. I can't blame him. After all who wants to be slaving forever with a 42 year old ungrateful son and a 29 year old spoiled daughter with two babies to boot (kicked the husband out on June 24). I told you you'd hear it here first!

I have a few options. 1. Find a sugar daddy (offers being accepted between noon and 5 weekdays) 2. Find a sugar momma (yuck, ick, no, can't do it, sorry) 3. Get a job (what, is that somebody speaking, I just can't hear you) 4. Oh I can actually facial the six plus customers who have been waiting on me for months and actually earn some money I mean I do have a Mary Kay business going here (ok that might work) 5. lay out in a ditch screaming at the top of my lungs (hey anything to get a crazy check ;) right folks) 6. Finish graduate school, become a lecturer (stifled laughter), become a Mary Kay Millionaire (ponders the very idea), open my own day spa in Eufaula Alabama ( I will always love you Tom Cruise even though you are freakin' crazy with the Scientology and all--my good friends reminded me that he was Lestat after all and those of you who know me very well will remember me and Lestat in the 90s--I'm here for you baby if you exist--Oh crap no I'm not I have to raise these two kids and it just wouldn't do if momma was a vampire--Explanation: Tom Cruise used to be a frequent visitor of Eufaula Alabama, which is where my great grandparents lived, were married, farmed and had lots and lots of acres of land--and kids too.

Ok so maybe this will work and I will become self-sufficient today (one day, someday, oh God help me!)

This just in--it's been 43 years with military time and the retirement date is August 1st.
crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap

ok by now my really good friends are saying--"Heifer just find a job already." Ladies microdermabrasion yields immediate results--instant gratification. Oh here's a good one--microdermabrasion is like a caramel colored 5 foot 9 to 6 foot 2 brother with a really cute faded hair cut with a pretty new silver BMW with his MS from IIT, NJT, Loyola hey wherever, with no kids, no baggage, no habits, a really sweet mom who buys $200 worth of Mary Kay cosmetics each month who's consultant has just quit when her son introduces me to her--oh if you see a silver BMW in Beverly for those of you in Chicago with the license plate MS NJT lead foot it and follow it home, let me know where it goes---ENOUGH already!!!

Ok I'm calming down now. Oh yes my husband. It doesn't look like things are going to work out between us. I tried my best to provide a two parent home for my sons but oh well he just won't come around. Of course he says it's my fault for not cooking, cleaning, listening, caring, and understanding. I say it's his fault for never coming home, sleeping all the time, and taking all of my money (he denies this). We went out to lunch this past Tuesday (I paid). He was looking at this advertisment with this plus size or almost plus size woman in a bikini or something and I got pissed. So he asked me if he could look at the woman on the other sign. The woman on the other sign had no hair, no hands, and no feet. It was one of those yellow and black signs letting motorists know that there was a crosswalk in the vicinity. My husband said that at least that woman had a purse so he could go into it and take some money out of it.

And when did I start liking black men?

Discuss.

I N X S---Ugh!

So I thought to myself "why not" I mean I was a die hard INXS fan (almost) in the late 80s and early 90s. I watched Rockstar INXS the other day, took notes on who I liked and who I liked more, cheered, and decided to vote for my favorites. Why did I do that? I'll put it to you like this. I've been in labor twice in the past two years. I labored for about 27 minutes the first time and about an hour and 15 minutes the second time. I felt pain but I didn't really even have time to break a sweat. Well I broke a sweat trying to vote for these people to be the next lead singer of INXS.

First you have to go to the rockstar msn webpage and click on the vote box. That's easy enough. Next you have to click on who you want to vote for. Once again that's easy enough. But then you have to type in the 8 characters that you see so that automatic votes aren't counted. If you've never had to do that before let me tell you...it's not easy. There are as many stray marks and wavy lines as there are characters so you have to press your face into your monitor and try to distinguish the letters and numbers from the marks. Then the letters aren't even straight, sometimes they're sideways. It's always something like W8XXVYK/X and I always get it wrong the first five times.

So by the time I tried to vote for the fifth person I didn't want to go home I just gave up, threw my mouse down onto the floor and Xd out of all the programs I had running at the time even my internet connection. I thought to myself good luck and I'll let someone else decide who gets to be the next lead singer of INXS.

Apology

Whoa!

I've been trying to start writing for about an hour now. I must have the slowest most miserable internet connection and virus prone computer in the world.

I am so so so so so so so sorry that I have not contributed to this online community in a while. I was trying to clear my head. I have been out of my head since just before the July 4th holiday. Imagine if you're swinging in a tire swing and you keep going higher and higher and higher for four days straight. That's how far out of my head I have been lately. I stepped out of my place for just a moment in time. But I'm back now and more cynical than ever though I feel good right now. I think it's the music that's got me feeling better and better every hour. For those of you I haven't told my local Alternative radio station is on shuffle and playing all of the good ole tunes I have been wanting to hear.

That's right all of the 90's music I care to hear and more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I even like some new songs. "Will you bite the hand that feeds?" That's a really cool song or maybe it was just forced down my throat by the radio station that keeps playing it and playing it. That's what I need right now, a man down on his knees. They played a version on Tuesday night where some guy layered Trent Reznor's voice over some song that was played in that Flashdance movie. That way you got to see how s l o w l y Trent sings the song. It was very erotic which would be cool if you were looking for something erotic, which I am not right now. Crap I'll be right back. My baby just ripped the woodwork off the wall because he was angry that my mom and dad left home. I hope the wooden plank didn't hit him.

BugS!!!

Do you remember that Pearl Jam song called "Bugs?" It was on that Vitalogy CD contraption that contained this booklet with all this old fashioned health stuff. I just bought that cd for the song "Not For You."

This is not for you.
Never was for you.

Anyway I need to hear "Bugs" right now but as some of you remember one Christmas break in the 90s I went home from Luther to celebrate the holiday and all my cds got stolen including Vitalogy. I didn't bother to buy that again. Anyways I need to hear that song because I have so many freakin' mosquito bites. Why?

I went to Minnesota for the July 4th holiday. I've been to Minnesota lots of times before. Why have I never been bitten before now? Does having babies make you more susceptible to bug bites? Then when I asked Kenesha about West Nile Virus she just shrugged and said that she thinks they found one dead crow that had it.

So now I'm freaking out. My eldest son keeps scratching his bites. One mosquito even bit me right under my hairline on my forehead. That's new. What the heck? I didn't scratch that one at all, no no no, I can't have my face scarred and sell cosmetics.

I'm still reeling from my baby falling into Lake Calhoun but I'll write more about that later. But if anyone has Vitalogy still, play "Bugs" in my honor.

Love you,
Loretta

Loans Loans Loans

As I sit here at my computer, I am considering whether or not I want to consolidate my student loans. It is the last day to do so before the interest rates go sky high. I don't know. It just seems strange to me to take out a loan to pay off several loans. I mean I feel as if one company now rules my life. Then I lose 5 1/2 years of economic hardship deferment time. If I go into the army they would no longer be able to pay off my loans for me. Then when I ask the guy questions about my concerns he says the same thing. "Yeah there is a lot of misinformation going around about loan consolidation." But he won't answer my questions. What does he gain from me if I consolidate? Commission? I'm the only student fool because I am going to pay the 8-10% interest on my loans rather than consolidate at 3%. My true friends who understand me know why I'm going to do this...well let me think about it a little longer. I guess I have until midnight.

My husband's new phobia: people jumping out at him from alleyways behind trees to kick his butt.

I'm not proud of this but I did this.

Shamefully I will not go further into this.

you make it hard to breathe
it's as if I'm suffocating
and when you're next to me I can feel your heart beat through my skin
it makes me sad to think this could all be for nothing
i wish there was a way
a way for you to see inside me
i've never felt this way about anyone or anything tell me
What do I have to do

when I'm out walking I strut my stuff and I'm so strung out (clap clap, clap clap)
i'm high as a kite i just might stop to check you out
let me go on like I blister in the sun
let me go ahah-on big hands I know you're the one

i need someone a person to talk to
someone to care to love could it be you
could it be you-oo
situation gets tough I start to panic
(uh-oh forgot the rest of this one)

there must be somewhere that we can eat
maybe find another lover
shall I move to Los Angeles
find my a-hole brother
mickey mouse has grown up a cow
Dave's on sale again
they kissy kiss in the rearview
so bored you're to blame
try to see it once my way-ay-ay-ay
ever-a-thang zen ever-a-thang Zen
I don't THINK so

OMG A girl just got killed by a shark

I am so shocked and freaking out right now. A 14 year old girl got bitten by a shark and when they tried to rescue her the shark followed them to the shore. She was only 100 yards from the shore. And:
THIS HAPPENED IN DESTIN FLORIDA which is my new favorite resort destination and is only 45 miles from Pensacola where a bunch of you know is my favorite vacation destination where I can visit my 95 year old great-aunt.

This happened on Miramar Beach where I had reservations to stay at the Four Points by Sheraton hotel last December. I didn't make it. It was probably because of my husband that we didn't have the money. I can't remember exactly what I spent all my loan money on this past fall. Anyways:

We did make it to Destin Florida this past March. Hooray! I finally get to Spring Break and I have a 32 year old man and two babies with me. Wild. It rained and I was miserable. The big baby got a runny nose. But it was so beautiful. It was picture perfect. The water was so blue/green and the sand was as white as snow. That's why it's called the Emerald Coast. We couldn't use any wheeled carts to take our own luggage upstairs to the 11th floor. A bell boy has to help you upstairs. So we get this guy who thinks he's Eminem and he thinks he's all cool with us black folk. So I pretend to be cool with him so we won't have to leave him a tip. You're supposed to give them $1 per person per bag. Hah! I just had three dollars cash on me. I handed it to my husband and told him to give it to the guy. The guy kept refusing the tip and I thought my husband still had the $3. He gave it to the guy anyway.

The guy even told us that sharks swim right up to the beach at night. They're attracted to the lights from the hotel. My husband is afraid of heights. I wanted to go out on the terrace with him. I mean we were eleven floors up, the view was gorgeous, and the babies fell right asleep. Imagine the look on the guy's face at the front desk when I told him I needed two cribs. Anyway my husband wouldn't go out on the terrace with me that night. He reminded me that he's afraid of heights but I really believe he thought I was going to push him off the balcony. I say this because he found his way out there to smoke cigarettes.

The resort was so nice. There was a tram to take you all around the grounds but we didn't ride it. There are golf courses but we didn't play golf. Bike trails but we didn't ride them. A park for children but we didn't play there. There is also an outdoor mall of sorts with stores and restaurants. We went to a couple restaurants. My husband hated the catfish po boy he ate but we found a nice pizzeria we would definitely return to next time--and a bakery that sells $6 bottles of Norwegian water. You may ask yourself what the Williams family did in the expensive resort town of Destin Florida. Did you go to the beach? Eventually right before we were leaving the resort. My husband wouldn't step a foot on the beach. He and the little baby waited on the stairs. This is what we did...we went to Walmart. Yes all that way to go to Walmart and drive around in the rain.

I'll have to write more later about the Mercedes M Class Road Rally and the $6 bottles of Norwegian water. Ahhhhhh!!!!! refreshing.

81 Degrees Fahrenheit

It's so hot~it's so darn hot that I can't sleep. Supposedly it's 81 degrees. The babies seem to be ok though. I am here now wondering why no one has responded to this blog so far. I hope I'm not wasting my time and that it will catch on. Who wants to hear me complain? No one does. But I promise that this will get more and more interesting soon. I joined a blog where the members even got together and traveled. I haven't logged back on though. It's tannerworld junction. The owner and his wife travel extensively and do stuff together---try stuff and post their experiences. They are freakin' hilarious at times. Oh well I might try and do the same now. But I'm so lazy. Alls I want to do is complain.

Hey guys!

It's pride weekend here in Chicago. Since I'm the mother of two infant boys now a parade with thousands of drunk people stepping on each other is not really appealing. I can imagine the poor little creatures getting stepped on. Does anyone ever bring kids to these things? Traffic here in Chicago is going to be a mess. I might take them down to Navy Pier but the Taste of Chicago is also going on this weekend. Phew! Plus it's hottttt!!!!! Let's see. What do I want from the taste this year? Fried dough, ... I can't think of anything else. Let's discuss what happened last night.

My husband was supposed to be back long before 7PM. He knew that I had a very important conference call at 9PM and that I was waiting for him so that we could get pizza for dinner. He calls me to tell me that he is running late so I wait for him. He calls me back during the conference call to tell me that the car had run out of gas and he had to walk back and forth with the gas can. Bummer. Well... he said that he would be home in a couple minutes. That turned into more than an hour. I was definitely pissed by then but what can you do. I know how my car sounds. It's loud now--I need a muffler desperately. It's under warranty but Car X wants over $47 bucks for a bracket, tail spout, and installation. I'll get another muffler some day. So I heard the car pull up, I went outside, my husband walked up to another car in the middle of the street and was talking to someone. So I slid behind the evergreens unnoticed to catch a peek. As he walked down the gangway to deliver my car keys back to me, I called out to him. He nervously looked all around saying, "Where are you?" I told him that I was right there and he got scared. He gave me the keys and when I asked him to come back he ran to his brother's car, jumped in and his brother sped off. He has his brother lead foot it to almost the other side of town and was paranoid that I'd followed them. He frickin' thought that I was going to lay him out or something from the bushes and was scared to come home until 4AM. Well I went off the deep end, packed his clothes in a box and delivered them to his grandma's. But now I'm laughing about the whole thing. My husband now has a new official phobia "People in Bushes."

Crap! The Sox and Cubs are playing against each other. It is going to be virtually impossible to get around town this weekend. I'll report more later.

Please post comments, hellos, news, thoughts, etc.