40 + is my lucky number

Yes guys it's really happening! You've heard it here first. My dad is about to retire. Crap. It looks like after over 40 years of being a postal slave for the federal government my dad who's nearing 70 years of age is finally calling it quits. I can't blame him. After all who wants to be slaving forever with a 42 year old ungrateful son and a 29 year old spoiled daughter with two babies to boot (kicked the husband out on June 24). I told you you'd hear it here first!

I have a few options. 1. Find a sugar daddy (offers being accepted between noon and 5 weekdays) 2. Find a sugar momma (yuck, ick, no, can't do it, sorry) 3. Get a job (what, is that somebody speaking, I just can't hear you) 4. Oh I can actually facial the six plus customers who have been waiting on me for months and actually earn some money I mean I do have a Mary Kay business going here (ok that might work) 5. lay out in a ditch screaming at the top of my lungs (hey anything to get a crazy check ;) right folks) 6. Finish graduate school, become a lecturer (stifled laughter), become a Mary Kay Millionaire (ponders the very idea), open my own day spa in Eufaula Alabama ( I will always love you Tom Cruise even though you are freakin' crazy with the Scientology and all--my good friends reminded me that he was Lestat after all and those of you who know me very well will remember me and Lestat in the 90s--I'm here for you baby if you exist--Oh crap no I'm not I have to raise these two kids and it just wouldn't do if momma was a vampire--Explanation: Tom Cruise used to be a frequent visitor of Eufaula Alabama, which is where my great grandparents lived, were married, farmed and had lots and lots of acres of land--and kids too.

Ok so maybe this will work and I will become self-sufficient today (one day, someday, oh God help me!)

This just in--it's been 43 years with military time and the retirement date is August 1st.
crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap i'm screwed crap

ok by now my really good friends are saying--"Heifer just find a job already." Ladies microdermabrasion yields immediate results--instant gratification. Oh here's a good one--microdermabrasion is like a caramel colored 5 foot 9 to 6 foot 2 brother with a really cute faded hair cut with a pretty new silver BMW with his MS from IIT, NJT, Loyola hey wherever, with no kids, no baggage, no habits, a really sweet mom who buys $200 worth of Mary Kay cosmetics each month who's consultant has just quit when her son introduces me to her--oh if you see a silver BMW in Beverly for those of you in Chicago with the license plate MS NJT lead foot it and follow it home, let me know where it goes---ENOUGH already!!!

Ok I'm calming down now. Oh yes my husband. It doesn't look like things are going to work out between us. I tried my best to provide a two parent home for my sons but oh well he just won't come around. Of course he says it's my fault for not cooking, cleaning, listening, caring, and understanding. I say it's his fault for never coming home, sleeping all the time, and taking all of my money (he denies this). We went out to lunch this past Tuesday (I paid). He was looking at this advertisment with this plus size or almost plus size woman in a bikini or something and I got pissed. So he asked me if he could look at the woman on the other sign. The woman on the other sign had no hair, no hands, and no feet. It was one of those yellow and black signs letting motorists know that there was a crosswalk in the vicinity. My husband said that at least that woman had a purse so he could go into it and take some money out of it.

And when did I start liking black men?

Discuss.