Gosh my baby won't go to sleep. He's been crying for over an hour now. I left him in the dark listening to classical music and he just doesn't get it. Freakin' go to sleep already. I think the other one got the hint and gave up crying. I've been watching Depeche Mode videos all day and I'm in a real sultry mood. I wish I knew what that word means. Anyways why Free Loretta? you might ask.
Well... my cousin told me yesterday that her friend got freed for $2,000. No slavery hasn't come back without you being aware. Her friend got a good lawyer and immediate divorce papers with $2,000 bucks. That's good service. So if there is anyone out there that wants to make a contribution to the Free Loretta campaign I'll be taking donations between noon and five, which as you'll remember from a previous post is the time I am taking offers for a good sugar daddy. Weekdays.
Free Katie. I haven't been to that website yet. I was going to buy a Free Katie t-shirt but I just haven't bothered yet. It was cooler to me when I thought they were just talking about freeing her from her relationship with Tom Cruise (this was before the engagement) but when I found out that they were talking about Scientology (I guess) the concept wasn't as cool to me anymore. I mean she got herself into it and she'll get what's coming to her as a result. (oooh I should take my own advice, ouch). I mean this is an early warning. You guys will probably never have to worry about this but... here goes nothing...
When Katie and Tom get divorced and Tom and I meet at Tom Mann's Fish World in Eufaula Alabama we'll instantly fall in love. Don't worry about the boys, I'm sure they'll be in a very nice boarding school. In France. or Portugal.
Anyways we'll fall in love and get engaged but the media won't care because who the heck am I? I mean at first they'll think he's doing a sex video like Colin Farrell or getting what Hugh Grant got from Divine Phillips. They won't take the relationship seriously and no one will be selling Free Loretta t-shirts. But when I go to the French Chateau looking building in California to learn about my new religion--Scientology--don't go looking for me. Shhh...don't tell Tom my love but it will all be an act. Trust me they can hook me up to a machine all day and all night and make me read Dianetics all day long but I won't believe in it. Who's the poor human being who was forced to view Interview With the Vampire with me you may ask? (Remember that Tom Cruise was Lestat). Just a minute the baby is still screaming and it's been almost two hours now. Let me investigate.
He's fine.
Poor Christina and her mom. The funny thing is I didn't actually sit with them in the theater because I wanted to get the full effect of the movie, which doesn't even make any sense to me now ten years after the fact.
Crap it's going to be so hot tomorrow. It's going to feel like it's 114. You can already tell that the weather is messed up by my hair. It is bushy and I look like a witch, a real witch, not the charmed ones.
You shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, Just like everybody else does
You may be thinking to yourself that this is a page about the 90s and that song was out in the 80s. Well you're wrong. For the movie "The Craft" Love Spit Love remade that song. It's a little faster than Morrissey's version and you can really dance to it. That's when I went through my "I want to be a witch" phase. Who suffered through this with you? you may ask. Once again, poor Christina.
Who was in Subway on Clark Street with me after I'd seen Clerks and was going through my "wow Clerks was the funniest movie in the world" phase? Poor Christina. See we went into Subway and stood there at the counter for about 15 minutes. Nobody ever came out to help us. We could have stolen chips, pop, bread from behind the counter if we were feeling confident. So I screamed "they must be doing it" and nobody ever replied or anything. We just left.
And I still wonder how somebody who didn't even have a car could get from Chicago to Decorah, Iowa (6 hours away) at a moments notice whenever I needed a friend. Well let me tell you. My dear friend Jamie (darn it where is he?) drove all the way to LaCrosse Wisconsin from Milwaukee (Milwaukee stories will definitely follow at another time) to meet a friend and then pick up poor Christina in Rochester Minnesota from the train station to meet up with me in Decorah so all of us could go to the formal. Memories. Well on the way back the car Jamie was driving (a friend's car) met up with a deer. Rofl--they freakin' hit a deer fooling around with me. Nobody who's only been in Chicago all of their lives understands why people need collision insurance and what it really means to hit a deer.
Let's see, she was there for my frozen custard (got to have it) phase. My Alanis Morrisette all men are evil phase. My let's go to every concert and live show phase. My Dave Gahan phase. My Dave Gahan phase. My Dave Gahan phase. Yes I want to be Mrs. David Gahan again.
And even my tapas got to have them phase though every time I eat tapas I get woozy.
I was just at a friend's birthday celebration and I ate tapas and drank just a bit of Sangria. So the freakin' restaurant was spinning and I couldn't justify driving home under such conditions. So of course I called my boyfriend who was no good--I married him and he's worse than no good. He wouldn't come and get me because he says that in the same situation I wouldn't have come and gotten him and that I'm a hypocrite because I say I don't drink and I shouldn't have gotten into that situation anyway. So my dear cousin Tony comes to get me on the el train. He puts me on another el train and I go home leaving my car all the way up north on Halsted street. The next day Kenesha who'd driven to Chicago all the way from Minneapolis had to drive me to my car. The tire was flat. A cute guy in Lincoln Park put that stuff in the tire that fixes the flat. sigh. He was dreamy but I was in love with that little creep. Anyways Kenesha told me to like flirt, get his number or something but I'm so freakin' repressed and slow that I never know what I'm doing. But I digress. I just wanted to dedicate the 90s to dear Christina who I dragged hither and yon. I literally dragged her through the decade. Through fields with guys who worship the sun and through more fields with roads with signs that say Pavement Ends. We didn't know that that meant the road was going to turn to gravel. When it did I hit the breaks and the car (same car that hit a deer) spun around in a circle. Everyone except for Christina was afraid. I hope this brightens up your day, Ethel.
Love,
Lucy
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I'm still thinking things are always going to stay the way they were in the '90s. Those of you who know me realize that in the '90s I was desperately trying to have an interesting life. It has recently become too interesting. Here I will discuss my life and the past and hopefully meet up with good old friends too. Welcome!
2 comments:
LMAO
LUV U 2 LUCY, I mean Amanda, I mean Meridith. Don't forget the time we met with that really ugly fat guy who's hair looked like dyed cotton, who told me he had good hair and was meeting with us to take us to Northwestern for a party. Do you remember driving really slow so we could get caught by every light, and loose them in the process. Even though we ditched them we still went to NW to check out the black frat party which was so lame. The people were lined up along the walls looking @ each other and the ligths were on. Do yo remember searching for a nother party on campus and we crashed that frat party that was by invite only and we got in as Amanda & Meridith(but we didn't know which one we were supposed to be):) Do you remember when we were leaving they were playing "Enjoy the Silence" and we were dancing with the bushes(NOT PEOPLE!!! REAL BUSHES.) LOL or how about the time I came to the U of C and you were looking for me and you found me in the room @ the end of the hall and all those guys were sitting @ my feet. Oh My God, LUCY!!!!! In the immortal words of Archie Bunker THOSE WERE THE DAYS!!!!!!
LUV ETHEL
What I remember about that night exactly is that I carefully placed my leather jacket with the wool sleeves on a beautifully carved shelf--you know the kind that is connected to the woodwork and walls in old houses--and when I looked back it was on the floor and cups of beer were where my jacket was. So I took my arm and politely knocked all of the cups of beer onto the floor and kept on dancing. Then somebody screamed "SOMEONE'S BEER!!" so we hurried up and ran out of there. Plus the music sucked. Until we left the party and they started playing "Enjoy the Silence" and we danced with the bushes :).
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