Why??!!??

"Do you like American music? I like American music"
Somehow that song by the Violent Femmes just popped into my head.
For some reason I feel really good right now. It's like a large, heavy weight has been lifted off of me and I feel GREAT!!!!!

I did just let go of some dead weight that I should have never carried on my shoulders. It's strange how something can change in just one day--so rapidly. But things have changed for me and I feel that I have evolved. If this is possible I have become even more of a free spirit. I am more open, more self assured, and more true to myself. There aren't many more times in my life that I will have to kick myself wishing that I had done or said something that I didn't and wondering what would have happened had I just...

Keeping that in mind, why do I like The Game's new song "Dreams." Ok before you pass out or grab your pills and water just hear me out ok. Late one night I was awakened out of my sleep. I immediately grabbed my earphones to see what was on Q101. To my surprise some rap music was on and I realized that one of the babies had changed my radio station again. So as I was about to turn I started listening to the music and I started bobbing my head. I started listening to the lyrics and thought that they were really deep and creative. Then I waited to hear who it was and of course the dj didn't say. So during the day I started searching trying to find out who it was. I thought maybe it was something from the Hustle and Flow soundtrack because I'd heard some of the music on the trailers but when I kept searching and analyzing those tracks nothing matched up. So I asked my dumb husband and of course he was no help. I asked him if it was 50 cent from the Hustle and Flow soundtrack or something and he said Yeah it was. Then he got upset and said that I wanted a gangsta now and that I'm listening to 50 cent now and that I've changed and etc. etc. So I got upset with him because I'm all like I'm too old to be running around with a gangsta and that I only like that one song. He also accused me of running around with a gangsta. Ha! Then I went home and started searching and looking up all of 50 cent's stuff and nothing matched up. Besides I find him so hideously ugly to look at. Anyway I just start randomly looking at charts and rap stuff until I got tired and since it was the middle of the night by the time I gave up I just turned off the computer and went to bed.
So last week Tuesday I went to my unit meeting still with that bugging me--who's song is this, what song is this? So after the meeting I go see my husband (mistake), he throws me out of his grandma's house where he sleeps on his little brother and sisters' floor, and tells me never to come back. I'm like yeah ok and I go home and get on the phone. Then he calls me all like we need to talk and will you come back so I'm like ok I'm on my way. Just then some dead weight calls me and I immediately get off the phone with my cousin. I am on the phone with this dead weight for an hour and I think to mention the song to him. He finally tells me who it is and what song it is and I am forever grateful that I don't have that bothering my brain anymore.
In my defense--the version I heard on the radio and on aol is clean so I didn't hear the N word or the f word or the b word. I pulled up the lyrics and was kind of shocked that he called Mya a b. But why was she on the front of King magazine looking like that? And 50 cent did boink Vivica. And good girls are surprising these lousy good for nothing jerks and giving it up every day. But I digress. Still after being shocked and offended by those parts of the song I still find the idea of bringing all of the dead people into the song and melding dream with reality appealing. For almost two months now I've been living a dream but now it's back to reality for me. After all you do only live once as far as I know and it's over and you don't want to go on for the rest of your life kicking yourself and wondering how this or that could have been if I'd only done this or that and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on.......................