Misery

We'll start a factory and make misery...

Put me out of my misery, I'll do it for you why don't you do it for me

What ever happened to Soul Assylum anyway? My friend Jamie used to say that they were a radio friendly Alternative band that also happened to be good. So it was alright for us to listen to them as was Blind Mellon. But normally I wouldn't like something so darn cheesy.

Why misery? you might ask. Those of you who know me well who've been paying attention over the past decade or so will remember that I am always miserable around my birthday. Some years I have had no reason to be. My friends and I used to have birthday weeks and we would celebrate for the entire week :)! Jennifer was the ringleader. One year she made sure I had a nice cake and dinner at this Chinese spot called Cho Sun's. Now that was cool. My ex-fiance gave me a surprise party that someone leaked then told me they were kidding so I kinda knew about it. He had me fooled though for a while. Anyways he had my friend Elyssa bake a cake with whipped cream and strawberries on the side. There was champagne and I'm not sure but I think I ended up at the bar that night. Why am I miserable?
Jennifer isn't here and my ex definitely isn't here. So I am without birthday plans. Now I know on a previous post I invited everyone to my birthday celebration but I've canceled it and the other ones I'd planned. Why? Because I am so f------ tired of planning my own celebrations. This s--- is getting old just like I am. I had to plan my own f------ baby shower and nobody bothered to attend my wedding. Kenesha and Phil have an excuse. They were out of the country. Everyone had the same notice as me and my husband because I didn't know I was getting married that Sunday until that Saturday myself. But I digress.
See I am turning 30 so this is a big one. Otherwise I wouldn't much care. Last year all I wanted to do was sit at home and spend time with my new baby and his big brother. I was just glad to have my health, I was glad that I was married, and I was glad that my husband and I had a roof over our heads. But now that I'm sans the husband (it's for good this time really folks--I've experienced a new emotion after he punked me, humiliated me in front of lots of people, and called the police on me last night), I just don't feel motivated to go out. Besides my mom has complained about keeping the babies.

This is what I envisioned: Thursday September 22, 2005 drinks and appetizers at the Raw Bar and either Exedus II or the Wild Hare, Friday September 23, 2005 my birthday tapas at Cafe Babareeba then Gameworks (Alternative music plays on Fridays) Saturday September 24, 2005 I have an exam in my Colonial Latin America class clubbing at Le Passage or travel with my husband and the babies. Sunday September 25, 2005 more travel.

But now I think I'm going to sit in the house and hope that everyone forgets to wish me a happy birthday. I hope no one reads this and I hope a building falls on top of my husband causing me to be an instant widow so I don't have to file for a divorce.