Please

I am asking you all to please bear with me. I have gotten out of my bed and it is now 1:29 AM according to the computer and 1:25 according to the VCR on Sunday September 04, 2005. I was in my bed with my earphones on listening to Stabbing Westward's "Waking Up Beside You" and it is on repeat. Showtime at the Apollo is on the muted television. The babies are asleep and I can't go back to sleep. I have been having an allergic reaction to something or maybe I'm dying from some disease but my eyes have been swelling and I've been itching. But the reason I got out of bed is to wonder why in the hell I let Brian get away. I mean it has only been ten years since I've seen him but what the **** was I thinking. I mean I was just wondering if he'd heard this song and if he likes/liked this song. He was so cool (in a way). He went to NYU but he had to leave. He was totally into Alternative music particularly Depeche Mode but like me he was into Depeche Mode and any other good Alternative Music. See as I've said before that's the thing that brought people together in the '90s, Alternative music. It didn't matter where you were from and in all the cities/towns the way in which the songs were played was different but we all still knew the same songs. We all knew the same bands. We had MTV with 120 minutes. Now that Q101 is on shuffle I've been hearing some songs that I haven't heard for ten years. This weekend is a summer countdown and the top 300 songs of the summer are being played. They don't have to have anything to do with the summer or anything but everyone voted on what songs they like to do whatever to during the summer. Blister in the Sun is number one.
I've digressed so far from what I intended to write but here goes nothing. Brian understood me and I understood him. He asked me as I was reading Lestat if it was turning me on. We had so much in common. He was tall. He was good looking. But he had a girlfriend and I respected that. At that time I wouldn't hit on a guy who had a girlfriend. You see I was the virginalist virgin of virgins, I was more naive if that were possible, and I didn't know what the **** I was doing as if that weren't obvious. I know that he's never going to read this or know how I feel or that we can never/will never be together but I just want to know how the heck I let him get away. I did try to call him once but whoever I talked to at his home made such a to do that he was out with his GIRLFRIEND that I didn't call back and the girl who wrote his address in my book wrote it so awfully that I couldn't read it. I think I'll do a search for him and see what comes up. I bet he's on myspace. Everyone is on myspace including me but I like it here better. I know that my friends are like---- "Brian"? When did you ever have a thing for Brian? Who? Well I did share this with one friend at the time, Tasha. But she's not reading this blog and I haven't spoken to her for over a year. But Brian if you are reading this give me a call--ok you don't have the number but post a reply or something and ...